Rating
Venom Art
Venom Art
Do you all like my new poem?
Title: Body Parts
The darkness and the deppression which flows through his veins
His body parts are beginning to show his pain
His heart is like a bass drum which beats every single second
his heart takes every single moment and every single essence ( take things to heart).
His blood is like lava and his cells are the broken charcoal
If you look even deeper, you will see the gray cloud covering his soul..
His groin is like a snake with poisonous venom (pause for a second)
Waiting to hurt his victim
The darkness and fire which lies in his eyes will cause deception and a backstabbing surprise
His ears are like satellites
Which will capture every sound like his eyes sight
Worms which crawls through his, brain eat it away which makes him sane
Below the cerebium, you will see the heroin which constantly pleasures his veins
His body.. His body is like a peice of dark art…
These, my friend, are his dark body parts…
Lots of potential, needs a lot of work to be publish-worthy
For starters, the first impression I got was you misspelling depression.
Strong points:
Good use of simile, successfully creepy imagery throughout
Weak points:
Little use of anything else, not very rhythmic, not as good read aloud as on paper.. consider the sound of things..
Line 13, worms crawling through your brain would probably drive you INsane
Overall: 6.7/10 – Average , Great meat, butchered recipe.
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